I’m so confused. I’m at that point in my eating disorder where I can’t accurately see myself as I am. One day I see myself as thin and underweight, desperately wanting to keep bulking. The next day I see myself as bloated and overweight, desperately wanting to cut down. All I can think about is what I look like and how others are (or aren’t) judging me. People think I look great on the outside- fit, healthy, and happy. But I’m sick on the inside. Ten pounds too light, depressed, and miserable.
I hate my brain.
Quick pity party: my girlfriend hates me, I have no friends, my weight is down, homework is piling up, my parents are worried, I’m worried, my eating disorder is screaming at me day and night.